My friends, they love my intelligence
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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