why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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