YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
