Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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