I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
