He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
