So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
