Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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