you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
