So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
