Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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