dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
