Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
