i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
