well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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