Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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