So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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