Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
