Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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