just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
