I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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