dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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