Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
