I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
