You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
