I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
