god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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