sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
