..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
