I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
