Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
