I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
