The maid of honor just puked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
