DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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