Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
