yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize