I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
