I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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