Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
