honey bunches of taint.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
