did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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