i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just invented taco cereal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
