He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
