operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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