We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
