you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
