you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
