I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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