Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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