her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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