did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
