i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
