id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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