doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
