oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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