so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
