Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
