The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
