he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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