i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will pee on everything he values.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
