too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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