He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
birth control should be required to get into college
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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