In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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