If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
