It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
