First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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