The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
