butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
