put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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