dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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