dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize