I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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