Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
