So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
